The Tryst of Eternal Stench
by Unequal Asp
Summary: Jareth invites Sarah on a date. But what happens when the Goblin King gets accidentally pushed into The Bog of Eternal Stench mere hours before she is due to arrive! With the fate of his future happiness at stake, our tight-panted monarch must overcome trials, obstacles &, most importantly his huge ego.
1. An Unexpected Invitation

Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth, not even a single, small goblin.

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Somewhere around mid-afternoon on a wet Tuesday, Sarah Williams; Heroine, Independent Woman & Champion of the Labyrinth, was cheerfully conquering her latest foe. As she folded the last shirt in the laundry pile with a practiced flourish, contemplating the cosmic importance of matching socks, her thoughts were interrupted by an insistent clinking sound. A sound which seemed to be coming from her bedroom. More importantly, from her bedroom mirror, the old one from before she moved.

Deciding that a mysterious noise inspection seriously trumped correctly aligned clothing, Sarah threw the socks in her hand down in an act of defiance to no-body in particular and brightly announced, "Come on feet!".

The sound grew louder as she entered her room; a somewhat more mature and elegant version of her teenage bedroom. Squinting closer at the mirror she noticed something flashing on the other side.

"It couldn't be" she muttered quietly.

Sarah leaned in closer.

*clink*

Stepping back quickly, she almost tripped as a crystal formed in the mirror, perfectly round with rainbow smudges that caught in the light. It clinked softly at the glass from the other side.

"Oh, not again!" she declared loudly.

Sarah's eyebrows shot into her hairline as the crystal proceeded to squeeze itself, slowly and with some obvious difficulty, through the glass, arriving in her bedroom with a resounding *POP*. Floating a few feet in front of her, level with her chest, the crystal seemed to be patiently waiting for her to do something.

To say Sarah was speechless was akin to saying the labyrinth was a bit twisty.

Contemplating the options in front of her, she quickly formed a mental list of mysterious-crystal-touching potential consequences. All of which featured a varying degree of leather, glitter and regrets. Biting her lip, Sarah took a tentative step forward, slowly reached out her hand to touch the top of the crystal. She squinted slightly, as if waiting for it to burn her fingers.

A sudden flash of light and distant thunder filled Sarah's awareness, momentarily disorienting her. As she cautiously opened her eyes, her subconscious was already expecting the worst.

And, there he was, in all his tight panted, glittering glory.

"Hello, Sarah" came the familiar, smooth clipped tone.

Jareth.

Her fingers were still outstretched, reaching for a crystal that was replaced by, well, a man, or not a man, a something else? A significant amount of something else either way.

It had been so long, her dusty old memory of him and her time in the labyrinth paled in comparison to the hi-res reality of the Goblin King standing bold as brass in the middle of her modest bedroom. She drank in the presence of him, from his wild blonde hair and imperiously quirked eyebrow to his aggressive eye shadow and high, black leather boots.

Resisting the urge to sigh, Sarah realised her hand was still outstretched, frozen a hairsbreadth from his chest. She snapped it back to her side, trying to stifle an involuntary blush.

She had no idea why he was here after all this time, but she enjoyed that he had bothered to dress up for the occasion. Apparently, facing her still required armor.

Sarah took a slow, steadying breath and squared her chin at him. Facing him down once again yet floundering for something to say.

Well, what can you say to your childhood nemesis, particularly when it's been years and he's featured in most of your waking fantasies. The sound of him tutting brought the present back into focus.

"What? Not going to greet an old friend, Sarah?" he asked, in an amused drawl "Your manners are slipping, dear."

"Why are you here, Jareth?" Sarah demanded, pissed that he'd caught her off guard. He smirked at her, clearly pleased to have gotten a rise.

"I have something for you" he offered. "Let me guess, it's a crystal? Nothing more." Sarah quipped, rolling her eyes.

He chuckled darkly, his mis-matched eyes never once leaving hers.

"No, Sarah," he replied "I want to invite you somewhere." Sarah's mind was still replaying the way he languidly pronounced her name. Belatedly catching up to the conversation, disbelief took hold. "Oh, it's an invitation this time is it? Not a kidnapping?" Sarah retorted archly "How generous of you, your Majesty!"

The Goblin King raised one eyebrow slowly and moved closer into Sarah's space, "I believe we have previously discussed at great length, just how generous I can be."

Brushing a stray hair behind her ear in a vain attempt at maintaining control of herself, Sarah asked "Where is it exactly that you're inviting me to? Are we off to poach a child or two? Or perhaps the goblins are off sick today?"

Jareth stared directly at Sarah for a moment longer than felt necessary then abruptly took a step back. A movement so fluid it happened within a blink of the eye.

"If only. Even a mere hour without their imbecilic cacophony would be a welcome boon and," he paused to smirked, a smirk which broke into a grin revealing pointed canines "I'm not sure you're quite up to the challenge of "poaching", as you put it." Jareth's eyes locked back onto her with predatory focus. "No, my Sarah, I merely wish to invite you to my castle, to dine, with me." He finished with a flourish of his gloved hands, gesturing to, well, all of himself.

Sarah frowned "To dine." She repeated. "With you."

"Did I not enunciate correctly or are you trying to wound my ego, Precious?" He quipped, "All I ask is that you join me for supper, enjoy my remarkably good company and I will deposit you safely back here before midnight." The Goblin King leaned in conspiratorially and dropped his voice "And, don't worry, I won't serve you peaches... unless you ask for them." He laughed his dark laugh again as memories flashed over Sarah's vision. A deep, blue gem-encrusted coat, his hand holding hers as they danced, spinning, breathing in his thrilling scent while a voice crooned in her ear... "As the world falls down..."

Sarah hadn't noticed that Jareth had returned her personal space back to her and was now standing with his hands on his hips. "My invitation does require an answer." With a gesture of his hand he produced a large clock, dark and decorated with goblins and grotesques. It suspended in the air between them. "Time is ticking, Sarah, and there are places I need to be, children to steal and all that. What will it be?" The look in his eyes belied the lightness of his tone. This meant more to him than he was letting on and Sarah's hearty, inbuilt curiosity needed to know more.

"You'll bring me straight back?" She asked.

A slight flicker across his aquiline face was all of the surprise he gave away at her reply, he had been bracing against rejection. The clock disappeared with a soft whoosh. "All in one piece, providing you avoid the Fireys." He replied jauntily.

Sarah narrowed her eyes and bit her lower lip, searching for a solid reason to say no to a dinner with a captivating host in a fantastical castle, it's not like the laundry was begging for her to go back to it. "Alright, I'll join you." she said.

"Excellent." All business again, Jareth produced a crystal with a flick of his wrist. Sarah startled for a moment and stepped back. Catching her eye and grinning enough to show off his canines again, Jareth chuckled darkly and blew the crystal across the room towards Sarah's full length mirror where it popped causing a shimmering ripple across the surface.

"I have enchanted your mirror." The king announced "Simply step through it at eight pm sharp and it will convey you to my castle. Until then," he slunk in closer "Precious thing." Sarah was overly aware of her diminishing personal space, it was completely full of armored Goblin King who was leaning in closer and closer. She was convinced he was going to kiss her, she felt his soft, wild hair brush against her cheek. His deep, intoxicating scent filled her. His head turned towards her and Sarah felt warm breath against her cheek, her eyes slipped closed.

Nothing happened.

Sarah opened her eyes to find herself standing in a puddle of glitter, heart pounding as it continued to rain down around her.

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Author's Note: Just want to thank Lixxle for not only the inspiration to get back on the writing wagon, but for also poking me until this story came into existence!

Please review if you like it, feel free to point out all of my mistakes, I appreciate constructive criticism!


	2. Glitter & Gloating

Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth. If I did, I would be wandering around the Escher Room with a cup of peppermint tea looking for the closet containing the leather pants.

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A thunderclap rang out from Throne Room inside the Castle Beyond the Goblin City. Free ranging chickens squawked at the noise; a couple flying into the rafters, a couple flying into the walls. Goblins of various shapes and sizes cackled and whooped the return of their illustrious overlord. Some cheering the arrival with ale.

The Goblin King stepped out of a cloud of glitter, inordinately pleased with himself. Strutting towards the first huddled group of goblins in his long, striding path, Jareth grinned a devilish grin.

"Well chaps, how do you think it went?" he asked

They each clamored to shout over the other; "Great boss!", "Yeah!", "Very nice your kingliness!"

Jareth openly preened his ego, "Yes, I felt I was suitably intimidating, infuriatingly charming with just a touch of dramatic flair." The king struck a pose. "Oh yes, Sarah didn't know what had hit her!" he laughed heartily, then stopped and cocked an eyebrow at his befuddled subjects. They caught on pretty quickly and began to laugh uproariously, "Yeah!" some shouted, another cried "Woo king!" One cheered along with the rest then dumbly questioned, "Wait, you hit 'er?" The other goblins all collectively groaned.

Bored of their filmy fawning now, Jareth sighed the sigh of the exasperated, "No, you snivelling snotwipe." He flounced over to his arced throne, carelessly throwing a long, leather-clad leg over the side. "She was simply overwhelmed with my presence." he explained. The king touched a gloved finger to his lips, seemingly lost in thought before a slow burning smile crept over his face. "Did you see the part where she blushed that pleasant shade of pink?" He asked nobody in particular.

"Yes Majesty" a few had caught on to the king's polarizing moods. "Huh?" a few had not.

The dumb goblin cautiously asked "So.. did she say 'Yes' then?"

The Goblin King rose from his throne in a single angry movement "Of course she said yes!" He zeroed in on the group containing the questioning goblin who densely stared straight ahead at the advancing monarch. Jareth continued "I warn you idiots. The elasticity of my patience only stretches so far. Continue to test me and there will be boggings for everyone! I'll not have my prowess slighted by any of you worthless cretins."

The entire Goblin Court shuffled it's collective feet, hooves and claws, momentarily stunned into silence by the rage of their sovereign. "Yes, king" they mumbled "O' 'course, Sire."

Mollified, the Goblin King swiveled on his heel and strode back to his throne. In a remarkably lighter tone he said, "Now then, back to matters of importance. You don't think my entrance was too strong do you? Maybe it needed more glitter." he pondered.

With the threat of a lifetime stinking like The Bog of Eternal Stench hanging over them like the Sword of Damocles, the goblins bravely attempted to guess the correct answer, "Yer?" some said, "No?" the others replied.

"Imbeciles." Jareth sighed and put his head in his gloved hands.

_See, old boy, this is exactly why we need to lure Sarah back here. At the very least so we can enjoy a more scintillating level of conversation._ Jareth's inner voice offered. _And at the very most..._ The inner voice drifted away as a wistful expression drifted over the Goblin King's face, a montage of images passed through his vision. Lifetimes spent walking through the Enchanted Forest, her small hand in his. Chasing her through his Labyrinth, her tinkling laugh his only clue to her whereabouts. Evenings spent under the Underground stars, he'd make the constellations dance for only her. And, the nights.. oh, the nights.

The grating sound of something trying to clear it's throat brought Jareth cruelly back to the cacophony of the Throne Room. He looked up to see Hoggle standing in front of him, shuffling from foot to foot with his cap screwed up between his gnarled hands. "Er, sorry to interrupt yer Highness, but there's, err, sort of a situation." he said.

Leaning his head back and looking towards the heavens, in what it almost universally known as the 'Give Me Strength!" pose, the Goblin King dramatically sighed, then seemed to rally himself. Turning to stare down the gardener with his third most intimidating expression, he asked, "What kind of a situation? Spit it out Hogweed."

Hoggle shuffled a little more, it was an intimidating glare after all. "Well, it involves the Fireys, a batch of overly ripe peaches and the Bog, yer King, sir." he explained, "Turns out the peaches tha' went bad became, well, potent. An' them flaming fools have been out there all mornin' collecting them up and drinkin' the juices."

Jareth raised one carefully painted eyebrow, "So, we have Fireys imbibing fermented peaches. I can image the damage must be significant for you to have hobbled out of your crabby little garden to bother me. What have they done now?" he asked.

No longer worried that the King would shoot the proverbial messenger for delivering the news, Hoggle threw himself into his account with added gusto.

"Well, lets see, there was a mishap with a missing head, but then it was found again an' it started a game of Fireyball..."

"Naturally" said the King, dead-pan.

"...But, then a few wandering passers-by got involved an' it became popular, yer see, an' before long the game got a bit out of hand..."

"Predictably" came the response.

"...Only, now the 'ole lot of 'em have moved the game over to The Bog of Eternal Stench!" He paused. "Loser gets bogged." Hoggle finished, breathless.

Jareth pursed his lips before responding in an upbeat cadence. "So, we've devolved from inebriated Firey's to a high-stakes, cross species game of Who-Can-Catch-The-Head-Without-Falling-In-The-Bog? Am I correct, Hogwitch?"

"The head is also inheebriat'd, yer Majesty." Hoggle solemnly stated "Meaning it don't go where it's thrown. Unpredictable, as it were." he added.

Jareth sighed. "Splendid. Well, it looks like I'm going to have to deal with this shambles before I can take care of seducing Sarah into staying here."

Standing to his full height, the Goblin King turned to the gathered, assorted goblins. "Try not to screw anything up while I'm gone or I'll have to invent a new punishment worthy of my temper." He announced and then promptly disappeared. There was significantly less residual glitter this time.

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Author's Note: Sorry it's just a short by sweet one, the story made more sense to pause here.

Please review, they're like cat treats for writers!


	3. The One Where The King Gets Bogged

Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth. Or a Bog.

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Deep within the labyrinth, the single largest game of Fireyball in Underground living memory was currently being held at the Bog of Eternal Stench. Crowds had gathered, goblin ale was being passed about in abundance and a large group of fairies were singing bawdy songs drunk on fermented peaches. All in all, the Bog had adopted a similar atmosphere to that of the final day of a week-long music festival.

"Heads up, mon!" A decapitated Firey batted his own laughing head over the stinking pond towards a ragged looking hobgoblin, sporting a large blue mustachio, on the opposite shore who performed a neat little volley, sending the head sailing towards a Helping Hand which was sticking out of the rock face. The Helping Hand slapped the Firey head, which whooped even harder, sending it flying straight over a group of grasping goblins' heads, causing them to all tumble backwards in unison, like penguins observing aviation flyovers. Even the chickens were getting involved. One decided to take flight at entirely the wrong moment causing it to be mistaken for the ball.

"Two balls in the air!" Squeaked a female goblin on a large boulder who was wearing a filthy apron. She seemed to be acting as an umpire to the whole event. "Double points!" she declared. The crowds cheered enthusiastically.

At that moment, Ludo came crashing out of a nearby bush bellowing "Ball", Ludo Ball!" The large, orange beast laid waste to the gathered crowds in his eagerness to reach the centre of the game. Following closely behind; Sir Didymus, atop his faithful canine, Ambrosius, was attempting to stop his comrade, "Halt! My brother! Halt! I beg thee! The King will not approve of this, I assure you we will get in trouble! Brother!" he cried.

Paying the small fox no mind, Ludo leaped into the air and grabbed the unfortunate chicken mid-flight between his meaty paws, proclaiming "BALL!" and jumping up and down on the spot. That was, until the chicken pecked it's way to freedom and took flight over the Bog. Double points were still in play.

An armored goblin brandishing a nipper on a stick, drunkenly swung for the inbound Firey's head as it flew towards them and hit it so hard it soared into the nearby forest. Ambrosius caught this swift movement through the dense foliage of his fur and abruptly turned to chase after the 'ball', carrying an unwilling Sir Didymus along for the lumbering ride, "No, Ambrosius! I said 'No'. Ambrosius haaaalt!" His voice became distant as Ludo, Ambrosius and Sir Didymus, along with a small assorted group of Fireyball players, disappeared into the depths of the Enchanted Forest chasing after the Firey's head.

The unlucky chicken, now being the only 'ball' in play, flapped indecisively over The Bog. Fearing for her life, the helpless hen saw a gap in the ring of grasping hands, claws, paws and various weapons and flew hard towards it.

*Poof!*

The chicken was momentary blinded by a cloud of glitter. A leather gloved hand plucked her out of the air mid-flight. "Well, well, well." came the clipped voice of the Goblin King.

"What is the meaning of this!" The Goblin King's cold voice cracked like a whip over the The Bog of Eternal Stench, effectively pouring ice cold bog water over the emotional bonfire of the Fireyball game.

After a moment of stunned silence at their Monarch's arrival, chaos broke out with goblins, fairies, chickens and all other manner of creature all screaming, running and flying in opposite directions at once. Small pixies lifted flat stones and disappeared into the tunnels beneath, shaking their fists as they left. Fairies drunkenly took flight, collided then drifted away like late-summer bumblebees. A few goblins jumped on the back of other fleeing goblins, riding them to safety.

Jareth merely stood in an authoritative, trouser-flattering lunge, atop a large boulder pointing at random subjects with his riding crop, "Bog!", "Cleaners!", "Oubliette!" They magically vanished and re-appeared in their new, punishing realities.

So fearful of the King's wrath, one goblin immediately bogged himself. Running headlong off a long, straight log, he performed a cannonball into the stinking waters, which blew a large, wet, stinking raspberry in thanks.

In moments, the entire Fireyball tournament had dissolved back into the labyrinth. Restoring the cesspit to its original, foul state.

Jareth, grasping the chicken by the throat, held her up to his face and threatened, "Fly away now poultry, lest I turn you into a new cloak" then tossed the chicken over his shoulder who bounced once before taking flight.

The Goblin King looked out on his disgusting, empty bog with satisfaction. "_That was easier than I expected."_ He thought. "_Plenty of time left to prepare for Sarah's arrival"._

Jareth took a moment to picture himself wooing a sultry Sarah into his arms, dancing her gracefully around his castle while serenading her with a new balled he'd been working on just for this occasion. Upbeat, but soulful, with a touch of synth. He hummed to himself and waltzed with an imaginary Sarah around a scraggly tree. He stopped when he remembered he had yet to select the perfect outfit for the evening. What to wear to such a momentous event? The day he would win his precious Sarah back to his side for good, it would need to be an unequivocal triumph. Jareth quickly became lost in his mental closet, perusing his collections of leather, suede and satin. Cloaks, capes and codpieces.

So lost, in fact, that he didn't immediately notice the noise which seemed to be moving at great speed through the forest towards him, nor did he see the blur of tangerine orange that flew over his shoulder until it spoke to him, "Mind yer head, yer Majesty!", the Firey head laughed, spinning in midair.

So, when the hulking form of Ludo came barreling out of a bush towards him at top speed, the Goblin King only had a split second in which to look thoroughly surprised before he was launched bodily into the centre of the Bog of Eternal Stench with an "Oof!" and a splat.

Sir Didymus, astride Ambrosius, pulled up short at the Bog's edge next to Ludo. "Oh, my brother, what have you done!" Didymus spoke fearfully.

The Goblin King's rage could be felt in rippling waves for miles around. The sky darkened perceptibly, thunder rumbled and lightening flashed in the distance. He fixed Ludo with an ice cold stare. A large drop of bog water ran down his sharp nose as the Bog pronounced another pent up, large wet, raspberry; spitting more slimy bog juice directly into the enraged King's soaked face.

The Firey head, which had landed safely in the upper branches of the scraggly tree, began laughing hysterically.

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A/N: Thank you SO much for the reviews and I'm SO sorry this chapter took longer to happen!


	4. Desperate Measures

Disclaimer: I don't own the Labyrinth nor any of its wondrous characters. I just like making them dance to my merry tune!

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Silver and blue streaks of glittery eye shadow ran down Jareth's face as he stood to his full height. Foul bog juice covered him from head to heel, sluicing down his ruined clothes. He ran a gloved hand over his face, further smearing his makeup until it loosely resembled a sort of fabulous camouflage war paint. In the old dead bog tree, the disembodied Firey's head laughed even harder. Tears now streaming down it's furry face.

The Goblin King, silent in his white-hot rage, strode through knee-deep brown filth towards the shore where his unfortunate subjects stood. All the while he was trying desperately to block out the sensation of slimy water entering his boots and gathering around his toes, and the cold drip-drip of something sliding down his hair, into the neck of his shirt and between his shoulder blades.

Sir Didymus snapped into action immediately, "Y..Your Majesty, a mishap, a mistake! We apologise profusely, my liege. You must understand...an accident, I..I told him not to play, Sire, didn't I Ludo?"

Ludo wrinkled his face up as Jareth stepped onto their shore, "King smell baaad!", the gentle giant wafted a large hand in front of his nose.

Thunder rumbled and lightening struck nearby as the Goblin King's temper snapped. A crystal appeared with a gesture of his left hand then danced into his right. With a deadly expression, he fixed each of them with a hard look.

Sir Didymus gave out a little squeak. Ambrosius whimpered, Ludo shuffled from foot to lumbering foot looking remorseful. The Firey's head finally stopped laughing, the sound dying out like a worn down toy.

Jareth began in a low, icy tone, "I have neither the time, nor inclination, to explain to you idiotic, mindless, _moronic_ beasts the gravity of what you have just done. The disaster you have caused for your King! LOOK AT ME! I should banish each of you for this malodorous act of treason!" He let this hang in the air for a moment, gliding the crystal over his hands. "Instead, you are all banished to the oubliettes, awaiting further retribution. You had better pray for my success for I assure you, my witless subjects, my failure in this endeavour is your end." With that, he threw the crystal at the small group who vanished from the Bog.

Jareth, now alone, surveyed the state of his clothing. He plucked at the once-fine, lace trimmed shirt, which was now a sour brown-yellow rag and sighed. "Well, this outfit is ruined" he said before vanishing back to the castle.

When the Goblin King arrived back in the Throne Room, his subjects noticed there was, for once, no glitter. Just a pervasive stink that hung in the room like a putrid fog. The magic of the Bog of Eternal Stench was that, everyone smelt something a little different, all foul, like your own personal brand of vile. Dimwitted as they were, when the King returned, the goblins immediately begun taking bets on what the stench reeked of most.

"Burnt chicken feathers!" shouted one goblin.

"Hoggle's socks!" Bellowed another from the other side of the room.

"Old scrambled eggs?" suggested a small goblin, twitching his long pointed nose.

Jareth squelched towards his throne, casually kicking a small, cackling goblin across the room as he did. "Quiet, imbeciles." he snapped "I'm in danger of having an aneurysm from the stress of trying to manage this kingdom"

He casually summoned a crystal to eradicate the disgusting Bog aroma, throwing the crystal high into the air so that it landed on his head mid-step through his wet stroll to the throne.

It did nothing.

Perplexed but not yet panicking, Jareth stood still, summoned another crystal and this time popped it deliberately against his chest. Yet, the eye watering odor remained.

The Goblin King turned a shade paler underneath the rancid muck and gulped hard as the enormity of the situation finally registered.

_"Why aren't these blasted crystals working?"_ he thought, _"Sarah's coming and I smell like..."_

"...goblin cheese, yeah tha's it! Particularly tha thick, green crusty part!" Inane chatter from the Throne Room interrupted Jareth's thoughts.

"ENOUGH!" roared the king as he manifested a clock, stared at the time accusingly then wafted it into non-existence again. "I don't have time for this nonsense. Sarah is due to arrive in exactly 4 hours and 23 minutes and I smell like a toxic swamp! Make yourselves useful, you blithering fools, and clean this place up while I attempt to repair this travesty that I am been cruelly subjected to! I'm taking a shower!" With that Jareth stormed out of the Throne Room, a fragrance of foul delights following his path.

When Jareth materialised in his royal apartment within the castle, he strode with trepidation towards his full length mirror to take stock of his situation. A sound that Jareth would never admit to being a whimper, quietly escaped as he surveyed the disgusting bog creature reflected back at him.

His clothes were soaked, nothing more than brown rags at this point. The smell coming off of them so pungent it caused his nostrils to ache. His face was a mess of dull glitter and black sludge. Worst of all, his hair looked sad. The once bright wisps now hung in clumps, entangled in something dark and stringy he didn't want to contemplate. The rest was plastered to his face and neck, dripping cold drops down his spine and torso.

_"Manure"_ Jareth's inner voice helpfully supplied, _"That's what we smell like. The manure of a thousand constipated cows!" _

Jareth pouted and created another crystal, desperation driving a third fruitless attempt to magic the mess away. It popped to no avail taking any remaining hopes of a swift resolution with it, his shoulders slumped.

"_Into the shower with you, old boy. Let's hope gallons of scalding water can make this abominable stink disperse. Otherwise, I believe we may be doomed to bachelorhood for the rest of our days"._

Back in Sarah's small apartment, she was frantically searching for something to wear. Still in utter disbelief that the Goblin King had really turned up again after so long and more than a little curious as to what he was up to, Sarah replayed the moment earlier that day to herself again.

She'd thought about it happening half a hundred times over the years but had long ago got out of the habit of fantasizing about him. Sure, Sarah had tried to move past her adolescent feelings towards Jareth by dating 'normal' guys and constantly reminding herself that he was the bad guy in her story who stole her baby brother and gave her an hallucinogenic peach. But drugs and kidnapping aside, there had been some moments, tantalizing moments where she still remembered her heart beating like a bird stuck in a small cage. Closing her eyes she still felt the heat of his body as he leaned over her in the tunnels. _"How are you enjoying my labyrinth?"_. She shuddered back to the present. He had awakened feelings in Sarah she had never known about before, and sadly, had never quite seemed to replicate since.

She knew she was hopelessly attracted to him, it was hard not to be, but she didn't trust her feelings beyond that. He had a way of making her usual sensibilities turn to pudding.

With that in mind, she tried to find something that reflected her womanly figure but kept a certain amount to the imagination. Settling on a beautiful cream dress which sat slightly off the shoulder and tied at the back and sides with corseted laces leaving it to flow loosely around her knees, Sarah looked woefully at her nibbled nails. "Were going to need nail varnish and glitter, lots of glitter."

Jareth was pacing his king sized bathroom, a king sized towel wrapped low around his hips, trying to think of an idea he hadn't already tried. When the near boiling water and various concoctions of soaps and scents failed to do anything more than wash off the oily bog juice, the Goblin King had begun experimenting with cleaning products from both the Underground and the Aboveground. Littered around the stately looking bathroom counters were lotions, potions and open bottles of super-strength bleach promising to kill 99.9% of all known bacteria but apparently not the offensive bog stench which still hung in the air wherever he went. He had scrubbed, lathered, rinsed and repeated until his usually pale skin was started to look a little tormented.

A large clock was suspended in mid-air on one side of the room, counting down the time until Sarah's expected arrival. Jareth had spent over 2 hours with his failed attempts leaving him only 1 hour and 54 precious minutes left to figure this out. One thing he was sure of was that after years upon years of waiting for Sarah and then further waiting for her to mature out of her girlhood, he was not going to finally win her to his side smelling like a neglected pig pen.

Open books from his personal library sat propped on the edge of a large marble tub. Jareth checked a passage regarding Greek methods of cleaning surgical equipment then materialised a bathtub full of juniper berries. "Well, here goes" he announced to the room as he gracefully stepped into the deep tub of blueberry sized balls. Squirming around to find a good position, he belatedly remembered they were meant to be crushed, he snapped his fingers and all of the small, blue berries simultaneously crushed themselves causing the powerful astringent properties to begin to seep into the Goblin King's bare skin. Jareth pulled a face as the skin all over his body began to pucker and tingle, he tentatively sampled the air but still the pervasive odor remained.

"DAMNATION!" he bellowed as he stomped out of the tub, berries rolling all over the floor. "There has to be a solution to this, I bog things all the time!" He resumed pacing. _"There must be a way of ridding oneself of this stink or no one would ever be allowed back inside the castle walls"_ he thought to himself. "_I'd have bogged the entire population by now and therefore_ _would_ _have enjoyed relative peace and quiet years ago!"_

An idea struck and Jareth dressed himself with a thought, _"The Wiseman has been around a long time and often visited by the denizens of the Labyrinth."_ He glanced at his reflection as he passed the mirror. Whilst the black goop had now all been removed, it was as if the strength of the foul aroma was so potent it was causing his hair to wilt. Freshly cleaned but smelling rancid, the blond locks looked dull and flat, his skin was pallid and his whole presence seemed like a faded version of himself. Even his painted eyes had less sparkle.

Jareth ran a gloved hand over his face, miserable at his situation.

He walked to the window, swiftly transformed himself into a snowy white barn owl and took flight out of the window. High above the Labyrinth, wind buffeting his wings, he noticed that even in his owl form the smell still clung. His sharp owl senses were repulsed by it.

As he swooped down to land on a statue near The Wiseman, his obnoxious avian hat swiftly turned to look at him. "What happened to you? You smell like a startled skunk!" it stated without preamble.

Transforming back into his usual appearence, he leered down over the hat. "Watch your beak, bird, I'm in no mood for this. Wake your companion, I have urgent need of his advice".

"HA!" it exclaimed "His advice, what a waste!" The bird leaned down to peck The Wiseman sharply on the nose. "Wake up! The King needs you", "Umphh, huh?" came the reply as the old man unfurled himself from his hunched position, "What's this? King? Ah, yes. How may I be of assistance?"

"In case you failed to notice, I've been exposed to The Bog of Eternal Stench and I'm finding the stink rather difficult to remove." the King stated imperiously.

The Wiseman delicately sniffed the air, "Hmph, well, yes, 'Eternal' is not a word to be bandied around lightly, Sire". The Goblin King gave him a look that promised death.

"Hum, hum, let's see. Have you tried Goblin Ale?" The Wiseman suggested.

"I beg your pardon?" Jareth pulled an incredulous face.

"Hmm, yes, soak yourself in it, yes, yes, that was it", the old man muttered half to himself.

Jareth stared hard at the Wiseman. "You wish for me to saturate myself in - what my hopeless subjects lovingly refer to as - ale? Are you mad?"

"Most definitely!" Chirped up the bird faced hat. "Quiet, you!" The Wiseman chided.

The Goblin King rolled his eyes.

"You will find the ale to be, hmm, most potent, your Majesty. Most potent, hmm." With that, The Wiseman, drifted back off to sleep and began loudly snoring.

"Well, that's your lot!" Announced the hat, "Please leave a contrib..agghh!" With Jareth's gloved hand wrapped around his throat, the bird stopped talking.

Jareth cocked his head to the side as he regarded the hat's beady yellow eyes, "You tell me so little then expect recompense?"

When the bird simply opened its beak once or twice silently the Goblin King released the bird with a negligent shrug. "I don't know what I must have been thinking coming here!" Jareth lamented.

After a brief fit of coughing, the hat sniffled, "Didn't I say it was a waste of time, eh?" It laughed, "Goblin ale is strong though, if bathing in it doesn't work, you could always drink it. You probably won't be able to smell _anything_ afterwards!" The bird hat chuckled to itself before a little box appeared from The Wiseman's folds, jingling lightly.

Exasperated, Jareth produced an elaborate gold pocket watch on a long chain out of thin air, he swiftly consulted the time before dropping it into the box which promptly retracted into the rags.

After a short flight back to the castle, Jareth immediately summoned a squad of goblins to retrieve as much of their strongest ale as they could carry from the cellars. He didn't hold much stock in The Wiseman's advice but he had little else to go on. With only 47 minutes left, the king was desperate. His only reassurance was that everyone who had ever visited the Goblin City quickly found out just how powerful Goblin Ale truly was. If anything was going to work, this was it.

An insistent tugging on his sleeve drew him from his musings. A slim goblin with a profoundly large nose who had been helping to carry in the barrels of ale was trying to get his attention. "What is it?" the Goblin King asked. As the goblin held his obtrusive nostrils closed by pinching them between his finger and thumb, he squeaked "For you, King!, he proudly held out a large, menacing object to the king. It was blatantly a crude attempt at a home made bath brush, it had the long wooden handle so he would be able to wash his back, some bristles that looked suspiciously like boar but where it really differed was the loops of razor wire and chicken feathers. "For cleaning!" announced the goblin, "It's the one we all use to get the bad smell off!"

Disgusted, Jareth muttered his thanks before throwing the offending item out of the nearest tower window.

After filling the large tub with the strong smelling ale, Jareth once again submerged himself.

A feeling of despondency began to take hold of the king when he realised that this, too, wasn't working. Whilst the ale didn't seem to alleviate the strong, bog odor that seeped from his every pore, it did begin to make the mercurial monarch feel a little bit woozy after sitting in it a while. "What's the point in trying anymore, why would anyone want to live with hair like this!" he cried to the ceiling, "Sarah's going to take one look at me and run right back home again!" he sulked further into his bathwater. _"Perhaps I should just drown my sorrows in ale. It can't be any worse than that revolting back scrubber"_ He mused. The appealing warm, yeasty smell of the ale combined with the frustrating day he had had drove the Goblin King to the monumentally irrational decision of sampling a cup of the potent ale. Which led to another, which led, somewhat inevitably, to the Goblin King wearing only a low slung bath towel, draped languorously over his throne, singing.

His audience of goblins were swaying from side to side, cups and flagons held high as they joined in sloppily with the chorus of the Goblin King's new 'Sarah Song', as they called it. A large, oversized grandfather clock sat to the right of the Goblin King's arced throne, it was showing only ten minutes left until Sarah's expected 8 pm arrival.

Finishing with a drunkenly dramatic and wobbly flourish, Jareth quaffed down more of the thick, black ale.

"She'll never love me now, chaps, this is it for us. Your noxious monarch and his ugly little subjects! We'll drink like this every night." Some of the goblins cheered, most turned a little green, having already drunk themselves into oblivion earlier that day at the Bog party. One goblin grabbed his neighbors helmet and vomited heavily into it. "Sorry!" he said as he handed it back to it's owner, who simply stared cross-eyed at it's contents and hiccuped.

"I did everything for her, you know," confessed Jareth, "She asked that the child be taken, I took him!" he declared loud and indignantly, "She cowered before me, and I was frightening" he laughed menacingly, "I reordered time, I turned the..." Jareth froze where he was sat, "Wait now, THAT'S IT!"

Jareth jumped up from his throne, a little too quickly as he had to find his balance again before he could continue. Holding tightly onto the fluffy towel around his waist Jareth announced to the room "I'll reorder time to before, when, any of this... oh sod it. I'm going to fix it!" Drunk as a skunk and smelling reminiscent of one too, Jareth disappeared with only his bath towel and a goblet of strong ale.

* * *

A/N: Sorry the wait was SO long. Blame the lifespan of the common cold and unreliable nurseries! Hopefully the length of this chapter somewhat makes up for it!

Thanks for all the reviews! I will try to reply to these this weekend now that the whopper of Chapter 4 is behind me!


	5. Jareth's Drunken Escapades

Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth or Jareth... I do own a small amount of Time and Space, I used it to write this.

* * *

Jareth stumbled a little in the penetrating gloom as he tried to regain his drunken bearings.

"Where the devil am I?" he thought to himself. He had the strange sense of being in a familiar place while being utterly blind to his surroundings. Trying to gather his inebriated thoughts into a coherent form was like trying to gather a swarm of wasps with a spanner; ineffective and ill-advised.

Squinting into the darkness, he recalled the moments that had lead him here; he was re-ordering time, thinking about when he visited Sarah this afternoon, wanting to fix this foul situation, thinking about Sarah again...

Voices in the dim seized his focus.

"What is this, anyway?" a gruff voice asked.

"It's plastic."

Sarah? The Goblin King leaned forward, he was about to take a step towards her voice when he was struck with an unfamiliar sense of self-consciousness. He didn't want Sarah to see him like this, staggering drunk in only a bath towel and stinking like a rotten turnip. Shrinking back into the shadows, Jareth considered the alien concept for a moment, "Is this how humans feel all the time? No wonder they have so many hang ups."

When the first voice spoke again, Jareth frowned as his fuzzy senses recognized who it belonged to and moments later - where he was.

"I don't promise nothing. But, I'll take you as far as I can. Then you're on your own. Right?" Hoggle grunted.

Perplexed, the Goblin King pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to fathom how he had come to arrive in an oubliette, his favorite oubliette no less. A clatter resounded through the pitch darkness causing Jareth to instinctively draw back into the gloom. Voices followed, "Oh damn!" he heard Hoggle say, "Can't be right all the time, can we?"

As Jareth's sharp fey eyes contended with the potent goblin ale for dominance, his vision slowly began to adjust to the sunless cavern until he could vaguely make out some shapes. He watched as Hoggle and Sarah escaped through a small wooden door.

From experience, he knew Hoggle was leading her to the tunnels, it's what they did with all runners who made it this far, before taking them back to the start. But why was Sarah here in the first place, the last time she had been Underground or anywhere close to an oubliette had been years ago... "Oh, no." Jareth palmed his face.

Recapping his earlier thoughts; he remembered thinking about Sarah, seeing her this afternoon - blushing and fierce, needing to fix this disaster of a day, then he had momentarily flashed to Sarah again - but as he had remembered her all this time, innocent eyes, dressed in denim with a billowy shirt and a smart mouth. Groaning, Jareth realized what he had done. While usually strict about his intentions, constantly aware of how his thoughts, dreams and whims channeled the direction of his magic, he had obviously slipped in his focus. The afternoon wallowing in misery and Goblin ale had allowed for a crucial error in judgement.

Readjusting to his situation, Jareth realized he was following fifteen year old Sarah on her labyrinth run. A perilous situation considering the things that could go wrong should he be seen by anyone. He briefly considered going straight back to the safety of the ale bath, before realizing that any time jump made while drunk was likely going to result in similar, or worse, situation. In fact he would be safer avoiding magic altogether until he had sobered up. He would need to be on guard to not cross paths with Sarah again. The time/space contiuum depended upon it.

If sobering up was the name of the game, the Goblin King needed to move... and eat.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a different time and place, the rest of the labyrinth was suffering a collective Underground handover following the Bog revelries. Goblins littered the floors, groaning or snoring. A few were trying to alleviate their splitting headaches by bashing their heads rhythmically into the stone walls, "Is it working?" One of them asked.

"I'm not sure, I can't really remember what we were doing it for." Another replied.

"I'm dizzy... I think?" came a third.

"You're not doing it hard enough then." Advised the first.

None of them noticed Hoggle slipping through the throne room.

* * *

Staggering a little, Jareth squeezed through the small doorway into the tunnel beyond. He couldn't follow the same path as Sarah, even steaming drunk, he still clearly remembered their encounter in the tunnels under the labyrinth. He would need to choose another path to bypass them. He could hear voices much farther away now as the rock faces echoed each the others warnings; "Beware, Beware!"

As he approached the first carved stone face, the Goblin King placed a long finger against his lips and hiccuped indelicately, "No warnings today, please chaps. I'm just passing through." he said as he chose another path, perpendicular to the one Sarah and Hoggle had taken. The large faces carved into the rock obligingly remained quiet until the Goblin King had moved on, yet once safely past he heard "Nice towel" then snickers of rumbling laughter.

Turning the corner at the end of the tunnel he found himself staring at the back of his own glorious head, the beggars outfit abandoned on the tunnel floor as former Jareth towered over Hoggle. "If I though you were betraying me, I would be forced to suspend you headfirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench."

Further down the tunnel hiding in the shadows, a different Goblin King stifled another hiccup as he admired his own hair from behind. Hoggle fell to his knees begging. "Oh, yes Hoggle.," he watched himself say before turning to leer over the brunette, "And you, Sarah - how are you enjoying my labyrinth?"

Clutching his towel, knowing he should leave now before he's seen, Jareth waited to hear her response, desperate for that flash of defiance in her bold green eyes. Feigning nonchalence she lifted her chin. "It's... It's a piece of cake."

Even knowing what came next, he couldn't persuade his leaden feet to move as he watched himself alter the thirteen-hour clock. "That's not fair," came Sarah's protest.

Jareth's smirked a goofy grin as he leaned against the wall in the shadows. Relishing the opportunity to watch one of his fondest memories of Sarah, he mimed his next words to himself.

"You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?" spoke the other Goblin King as he tossed the crystal back down the tunnel where it morphed into the whirling blades of The Cleaners.

"Time to go!" Jareth thought as he sprinted further down his end of the tunnel as Sarah and Hoggle ran headlong towards where he was standing only moments ago. Finding the large gate blocking the tunnel, he hastily whispered "Open for your King", the gate clicked open allowing him to slip past into the shaded tunnels beyond. Knowing Sarah and Hoggle would make it out fine, he closed the gate behind him and walked further out of sight. Jareth rubbed his temples, considering his actions of long ago. In hindsight, maybe The Cleaners had been a touch too much. He didn't have long to dwell on these new feelings of remorse as The Cleaners broke through the gate and continued inexorably towards him. Cursing he ran on, knuckles white as they gripped the bath towel, "Why are there no turns or exits!" He staggered into the wall as his head began to pound, bare feet aching as he thundered away from the spinning blades. Finding a path to the side, he darted out of the way, a blade snagging fibers of the towel as he landed on the rough stone floor.

* * *

Hoggle was anxiously scurrying through dark passages until he found what he was looking for. "Psst, over 'ere, it's me."

Sir Didymus was the first to reach the barred door to the oubliette where Hoggle was frantically clinking through a large ring of keys, searching for the right one.

"Huzzah! See that Ambrosius, dear brother Hoggle hath come to save us all!" Sir Didymus exclaimed as a rumbling "Frieeeend!" came from the corner where Ludo sat, surrounded by rocks.

"Ah, you gotta get me outta here, mon! This fella's really starting to make my noggin hurt!" said the head of the Firey from its perch atop a disused barrel as Ludo called to the rocks. The roar echoing around the cavernous room and a few more loose pebbles drifted across the rough floor towards the great horned beast.

Hoggle tried another key with no luck, "I'm tryin', I'm tryin'! I stole that rat, Jareth's, keys when he weren't lookin' but none of 'em are workin'!" He tried another. "We gots to get you out before Sarah gets 'ere, I heard him talkin' about her - she's comin' back 'ere, tonight."

"Verily? My Lady Sarah doth return? Dear brother, did you hear that?" Sir Didymus sprung to his feet.

"Saaarah!" Ludo responded enthusiastically.

"ARRGGHHH they're not workin!" Hoggle shook the bars futilely. "Yeah, she's comin' but she needs our help, the king was talkin' about romantizin' her or some-such. She won't be safe if he gets his letchy hands on 'er!" He shook the bars again, groaning.

"He can put his letchy hands all over me if he just lets me outta this damn hole! It's no fun in here!" cried the disembodied Firey

"It ain't workin'," Hoggle gave up as he threw down the keys.

Sir Didymus stroked a long whisker as he pondered Hoggle's news, "Mayhap our dear Lady will pay us a visit during her time here. Should she need us..."

Hoggle shook his head, "That rat ain't gonna let Sarah anywhere near the like o' us!"

"Well, we did besmirch the King most horribly." Didymus hung his head in shame.

"King smell baaaaad!" came Ludo's reply

"Hush, my brother," the fox sniffed the air, whiskers twitching, as his eyes scanned the gloom, "Who can know when he may be watching."

Hoggle jumped up with a start, "I knows what we gotta do. I'm goin' to get Sarah when she arrives, tell her 'ees locked you lot in 'ere and she'll help me get you out." with a dark glee he added, "And, I'm going to tell her all about his letchy Highness' plans for her. She won't like that one bit!"

"Good fortune to you my friend!" cried Didymus

Invigorated, Hoggle waddled off to his mission with as much haste as his stunted legs could offer.

* * *

Somewhat more sober after his near-death speed run through the tunnels, yet still far too drunk to trust his magic, Jareth had developed the beginnings of a blinding hangover. He'd in initially started walking to pass the time, but as he trudged along the familiar paths of his Kingdom his stomach had started to rumble, reminding him that he'd not eaten all day then consumed a gallon of Goblin ale before embarking upon a spontaneous cardio blast.

Taking a nearby shortcut, Jareth headed towards the Enchanted forest in search of Goblin fruit. His head felt cooler under the dense canopy of leaves and if he focused on ignoring his own stench he could just about smell the thick, sweet loam of the forest floor.

Plucking a large, ripe peach from the nearest tree, Jareth devoured it within three bites, juices running down his chin shamelessly while he reached for another. He proceeded to work his way through another four peaches with the ravenous fervor only the truly hungover and starving can achieve. Spying another perfect, juicy peach on the next tree along, the Goblin King rounded a corner and stopped still. A cold chill running down his bare spine, as he came almost face to face with a fifteen year old Sarah.

Her eyes glassy and her innocent face blank, she looked around the forest wildly, red lips slightly agape and still moist with peach juice. Glancing around quickly he realised she was blessedly alone.

Jareth's shoulders relaxed and let out a pent up breath as he realized she couldn't see him, or smell him for that matter - she was hallucinating from the enchanted peach he had persuaded Hoggle to give her all those years ago.

Readjusting the, now slightly dingy, bath towel. Jareth paused to thank whatever gods were supervising his misery for the small mercy of not being seen in this state. Future time/space continuum disruptions aside, he was rather sure his ego would never heal from such a beating.

Sarah stumbled away, turning in dizzy circles as if she was scanning the trees, rapid breaths causing her to pant a little. Intrigued, Jareth followed close behind. She didn't seem to notice him as he sidled closer, but as she darted blindly around the trees Jareth realized that she was looking for someone. Someone in a blue jacket, haunting her dreams.

Suddenly, tripping on a tree root in her delirious state, Sarah fell into Jareth's arms.

Striking green eyes stared straight into his. Jareth carefully placed her back on her feet as she looked at him without seeing. "She's dreaming of a ballroom", he thought to himself.

The Goblin King knew he was in a unique position to take advantage of her but as he gazed into Sarah's wide, glassy eyes he dismissed the idea immediately - a snarky, defiant, and yet willing, Sarah was far more preferable.

His thoughts flit back to the Sarah he met today, the Sarah that this child would grow into. He stroked a bare finger over her flushed cheek as he pictured her as she looked in the future; sharper cheekbones, smirking sassy lips and something in her confident gaze which excited the predator in him. Like she held a secret and it was his alone to fathom.

Unable to resist the urge, Jareth swept his dreaming champion into a brief dance as he waltzed her out of the forest, into the Junk Fields beyond. As he effortlessly spun them through a copse of saplings, rebellious thoughts once again rose to the fore. "It was lucky that we came across her and not something else," Jareth's thoughts sagely advised. He knew only too well that the Goblin King had not been the only predator in that forest. Drugging Sarah and then leaving her to the perils of the Underground may have been unwise, considering his stakes in her future existence. He danced them through mountains of rubbish; trash from realms far and wide that had been carefully hoarded by the scavenging goblins that called this dump home. Humming a tune to himself, Jareth lifted Sarah by her slim waist, spinning her in a wide circle. Her idle feet caught on a toaster from the 1960s causing it to slide down the pile, oddments and objects following in its path, like a small, dirty avalanche.

When Sarah began to stir, her dream state shattering as she started to wake, Jareth laid her down where he knew she would be relatively safe. As he leaned down to brush an errant hair from her vacant eyes something hard hit him in the back of the head.

"Oi, you!" came a crabby voice.

Looking around, Jareth didn't immediately spy the junk-laden goblin, so well camouflaged as she was. It was only when she spoke again that he spotted the hunched figure waving the 1960's style toaster angrily,

"What d'ya think ya doin' fella, that was my home ya smashed!"

Jareth stood as regally as possible while wearing only a bath towel, "Is that any way to speak to your King?"

"Ha, King! That's a new one. Go on, get off with ya an' don't be swinging no more young lasses around 'ere." she herded Jareth with a walking cane, the end of which had been filed to a fearsome point. "King, ha! Go on..."

Eager to be out of sight by the time Sarah woke, Jareth scowled at the junk lady before walking away.

* * *

Sarah was ready for her mysterious date in the sense that she was dressed and wearing make up but in every other sense she was flapping wildly in nervous panic.

"What am I even doing? This is the Goblin King - he took Toby! Ok, I asked him to, but... Still, he's meant to be the villain and now were just going to have dinner together and chat about the good old times?" Sarah rambled while she paced a hole in the carpet. But, even Sarah could admit that he wasn't the childhood nightmare she once feared, that this man... fae... person didn't scare her so much as excite her.

"Why did he turn up now? And, what is he really after? Well, that's Jareth, ever the enigma." He always turns her world upside down. Sarah glanced at her wristwatch "It's nearly time." she thought, biting her lip as she considers the risk she's taking in going back there, would he keep his promise to return her? "Maybe I should leave a note? Something like 'Gone to Goblin Kingdom, if not back by midnight please take bedroom mirror portal to the Underground and rescue me from their sexy King.' Sarah rolled her eyes, who would even read it anyway. She barely saw her family these days, busy as they were and her neighbors knew she liked to keep to herself. If she went missing they would just assume she was reading a new series and leave her be.

Sarah checked her watch again and took a tentative step toward the mirror.

* * *

Out of habit Jareth found that he had been walking in the direction of the castle without fully realizing it and was now facing the guarded gates at the castle walls.

"Back again, yer Majesty?" asked a tall goblin, raising his stick thin arms to raise the portcullis.

Jareth, weary from walking and now fighting off the mother of all hangovers, looked at the goblin with bafflement, "Beg pardon?"

"Only you were 'ere a just a moment ago, dressed in a bit more than that, mind you. Can you smell that? It's awful." Jareth scowled and left the goblin guard sniffing the air with a sour expression.

"I think it's probably time to leave, old boy" spoke the voice of sober reason that had recently awoken in Jareth's mind.

Suddenly, Sarah's voice rang out close to where he was standing. Too close. He darted inside the nearest door to the castle, finding himself in a stone passage. "She's coming!" screamed a shrill goblin as it barreled past the scantily clad king and onward down the corridor. Once it rounded the corner Jareth could still hear it screaming until a cold, clipped voice ahead echoed, "Out of my way, you blithering fool. She's made it past the castle walls."

Jareth froze, unable to go backwards for fear of crossing Sarah nor able to continue down the passage to where the younger version of himself was currently striding. He panicked and thought of home.

Arriving a moment later in the throne room, Jareth released a sigh of relief. Everything was going to be fine, he was home now and sober. He only had to go back and fix the bog situation from this afternoon then find something dashing to wear and he would be good as new. The king adjusted his grimy towel as he glanced around the room the first time, noticing the hoards of hungover goblins still littering the filthy floors, chickens wandering around their inert, snoring bodies, occasionally pecking an ear or two. "You cretins supposed to have cleaned this mess up." He punctuated his statement with a firm kick, sending one goblin sailing out of a nearby window. "I suppose that's something else I'll have to take care of now. Useless wastes of space, what's the point in keeping you lot around if you're not going to be of any help when I need it." A few goblins commendably tried to stand up, most snored on. The clock struck .

Just then, a shimmering portal appeared in front of the arced throne, the air seeming to ripple. Sarah walked through, looking painfully beautiful among a sea of filthy, snoring goblins.

"What's that smell?!"

* * *

A/N: Ah! Sarah and Jareth finally face to face again with only a dingy towel between them! Excited for more? R&R please, It makes me feel like I have friends :)


	6. A Bad Reunion

When Sarah walked through her bedroom mirror, for a heartbeat, it felt like she had stepped through a cold fog. Whispers brushing against her bare arms - then she was there, the Castle Beyond the Goblin City. It was exactly as she had remembered it. Sarah realized she was facing his empty throne; arced, ancient and fierce. Before she had time to wonder where his glittery highness was, the ripe smell of something rotten drifted past her nose. Sarah tried to avoid pulling an unpleasant face. "I hope that isn't the smell of goblins cooking" She said, slightly regretting her glib comment as hundreds of beady goblin eyes turned to land on her. Sarah laughed nervously as they all stared at her expectantly.

Glancing from twisted face to beaky nose she slowly turned around, then stopped. Her features froze in shock. All of Sarah's mental preparations for returning to a land of fantasy hadn't quite prepared her for the sight of a naked, shocked Jareth clutching a dirty bath towel around his slender hips. A few seconds passed where nothing moved. Jareth's pale skin grew paler, Sarah's mouth fell into an 'O' and wide eyed goblins flicked from the girl to the king and back again.

Jareth was, for once in his long lifetime, speechless. He opened and closed his mouth, trying and failing to will a decent explanation into existence. The long silence was finally broken by laughter. Sarah began giggling, an apologetic look in her eyes as little peals of laughter broke forth until she was fully laughing aloud. Before long she was almost doubled over, her mirth overflowing as she wiped tears from the corners of her green eyes.

Humiliated and furious at himself, his Kingdom and Goblin ale in general, Jareth assumed a haughty stance and a petulant expression. He considered storming out in a dramatic rage but stopped at the thought of drawing more attention to his compromised situation. Settling instead for cold indifference, he waited out the giggle storm.

Sarah looked up from her outburst to find Jareth looking simultaneously wrathful and mortified. His fine, blond hair fell in dull clumps - it's usual wild sentience gone. His bare skin was paler than it had been earlier today and somewhere along the way he had lost the makeup framing his mismatched eyes. Eyes that appeared to be glaring daggers at her. But that wasn't all, there was something else there, too, a vulnerability she'd not seen in him at first. He's embarrassed, she realized with a sobering thought. I've never seen him like this before.

"I'm so sorry!" Sarah managed between bursts of dying laughter, "I- I really am! But, what happened to you?"Sarah pulled her herself together and crammed her amusement away in a little box for later, along with the memory of Jareth looking this exposed. She would save that for later, too.

Pursing his lips, Jareth dryly replied, "The Bog happened, dearest Sarah, that's what." Jareth tried to maintain an air of regal stoicism while Sarah composed herself. Until she blurted, "Wait, you mean that awful smell is coming from you?!" Sarah bit her bottom lip hard as laughter threatened to bubble up again.

A number of goblins chose this moment to make a run for it, the remaining audience noted that Sarah was being treated to the King's Number One glare. Made popular by it's ability to freeze the intended victim to the spot with an icy force. Overall, he gave the impression of a man trying to chew a wasp.

Undaunted and quickly realizing her mistake, Sarah walked over to Jareth, swallowed past her gag reflex and placed a slender hand against his bare chest. A muscle ticked in his jaw. Jareth felt some of his defenses beginning to crumble at the contact. He spoke first before she had a chance to, "Sarah, I understand if you wish to return home. This is hardly the reunion I had planned for us and I would despise myself for making you sit through an entire evening while you bravely attempt not to wrinkle that very pretty nose." He cocked his head and smiled ruefully, "Be assured the portal works both ways and perhaps we could reconvene at a later date, when I'm... more myself." Jareth placed his hand over hers on his chest and held it for a moment before making to pull away.

Sarah stopped him with her other hand, effectively sealing his within hers. "I'm not going anywhere." She smiled reassuringly. "I know a friend in need when I see one. But, let's forget the dinner for now and focus on getting you fixed."

Jareth frowned a little, surprised by Sarah's unexpected tenderness and sympathy. He had anticipated laughter, even derision. But, gone were the cruel eyes of his memories, instead stood a compassionate, beautiful woman. The Goblin King considered the hand sandwich on his chest and thought to himself, perhaps the date wouldn't be totally ruination after all. She was already touching him and he smelt like a warm swamp, imagine how much more touching there might be once this damnable stench is removed.

He smiled, "Be careful, Precious, I'm beginning to think you like me for more than just my tight pants."

Sarah grinned mischievously, "Oh no, I've given you an ego boost! I think, for you, that's potentially more deadly than the Bog. How will we ever fit your head through these doors?"

Jareth laughed heartily for the first time in a very long day, something about Sarah made the whole situation less futile. "Well then, where do we start?"

Sarah slowly dipped her eyes down his chest, past the smooth planes of his stomach to the greyish towel below, "Clothes. Definitely clothes. I cant concentrate with you looking like this." She returned her gaze to his face, blushing prettily.

Jareth smirked devilishly and was about to make a saucy retort when Hoggle burst into the Throne Room pointing an accusing finger at the King.

"Sarah! Good, yer 'ere. Has that rat told you wha' he's done, yet?", the gnarled gardener waddled over to the pair glaring at Jareth the whole time.

Baffled, Sarah looked from Hoggle to Jareth, who rolled his eyes on cue, and back again. "Er, hi Hoggle. What's happened?" She asked.

"He's locked Didymus and Ludo in a stinkin' oubliette" Hoggle spat.

Sarah looked at Jareth accusingly and raised one eyebrow, "Really, Jareth?! Why?"

Hoggle crossed his arms gleefully, smugness radiating from every leathery wrinkle. He knew Sarah would still be the Champion he befriended years ago.

The Goblin King raised his hands in front of him and attempted to affect an air of innocence, "In my defense, I put them in my favorite oubliette."

Sarah gave him a withering look. So he explained further, "Well, it's their fault I'm like this!" He gestured at himself. "That orange hair ball pushed me in the damn Bog!"

Hoggle leapt into action, "It were an accident and you know it, yer ra-"

"Call me a rat, one more time" Jareth threatened.

Shaking her head as if he were a child in need of chiding, she said, "Get dressed, we're going to get them out of there." when Jareth didn't immediately move Sarah stared him down, "Now."

She turned to Hoggle, "Please lead the way, Hoggle."

"With pleasure! Righ' this way, Sarah." He made for the Throne Room door with Sarah in tow.

Sulking a little, particularly as he was considering a sordid 'accidental' towel dropping scene mere moments before Hoggle's rude arrival, Jareth produced a crystal and was momentarily dressed in his usual attire. He stalked after Sarah and Hoggle muttering something about reminding people who was King around here.

A short walk later they were standing outside the cell door of the oubliette. "My Lady!" Sir Didymus cried as Sarah came into sight, "We knew Hoggle would succeed, didn't we Ambrosius?" The hairy dog barked happily and wagged his tail.

Jareth huffed, "A conspiracy as well as treason, what a delightful day this is." he said sourly.

Shrugging off the Goblin King's dry humor she knelt at the bars and reached through to grab Didymus' paw and stroke the dog behind the ear. "It's so good to see you again Sir Didymus and you Ambrosius."

"Saaarah" Ludo bellowed from the back of the dark cavern, the ground shaking a little as he got to his great feet and stumbled over. His russet fur tangled and dusty from sitting on the dirt floor. "Oh Ludo, look at you." She reached up and stroked a hand against his furry cheek. "Sarah friend", he added happily.

"Don't forget me, pretty girl. I remember you, lovely shaped head! Please let me out?" Shouted the Firey from across the room.

Sarah suddenly stood and turned on the spot, zeroing in on Jareth who was finding all this camaraderie quite nauseating, or was that his smell? "Let them out now Jareth, or... or I won't help you and I'll…"

He raised one eyebrow, taunting her, "..I'll never come back." She finished, sparks blazing in her emerald eyes.

Enjoying Sarah's angry display a little too much, a dark look shadowed the Goblin King's face promising darker things to come, before he smiled charmingly, "No need to get yourself in a twist, Precious. The cell is unlocked, at your request." He flicked his wrist behind his back and the lock clinked open in response.

Ludo collected the Firey's head and tucked it under one arm as the friends shared embraces.

Sarah glanced at Jareth leaning against the wall alone, she turned again to her friends."I do need your help now though, if you can?" She asked. "As you may have noticed, the Bog is still.." Sarah tried to find a delicate way of explaining the Jareth's predicament without further humiliating him, "Still having an effect on the King, shall we say. Do any of you know how we might be able to, you know, get it off of him?"

Jareth turned to look at her, surprised again that she would involve herself in his personal problems. Hoggle laughed, "Oh no, you ain't gettin' no help from me. Come on Ludo, I'll show you the way back." Sir Didymus stroked a whisker as he contemplated the issue at hand, "I do have some experience, what with working so close to the Bog. Things fall in from time to time. Hath thou tried Goblin ale, my Liege?" the fox suggested.

"In copious amounts." came the clipped response.

"Hmm, it usually works for the Goblins. I'm surprised it didn't work. Then again, I suppose Goblins never smell very nice in the first place." He chuckled to himself, "Perhaps the worm will know more."

"The worm?" Sarah asked, "The blue one I met when I was here the first time? How would he know?"

Jareth had been considering Sir Didymus' suggestion, "You may have a point there Didymus. The worm knows many things about the Labyrinth, things long forgotton in this kingdom of imbiciles, it's certainly worth a trip to find out."

"A quest!" Sir Didymus announced as he leapt acrobatically upon Ambrosius' back, "Come, my Lady, I shall lead the way!" he declared as he rode out of the caverns.

Jareth, smiling, extended a hand to Sarah before she could follow, "My Lady?" he imitated the chivalrous fox, "Care to take a shortcut?"

Sarah smiled as she took his slender, gloved hand and disappeared.


	7. Back to the Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth, any of it's gorgeous characters or Jareth.. **sobs**. I did own a bath bomb once.

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The moment Sarah took Jareth's hand she noticed the difference. His method of transport wasn't like the portal, as she'd expected. Instead, she felt wild winds whip at her hair as her fingers clutched tighter to his. Smooth leather, buttery soft, gripped her hand and waist as they moved in the blink of an eye through time and space. Hard ground abruptly rose up to meet her feet.

Once her senses caught up, Sarah realized she was back at the start of the Labyrinth where she had entered all those years ago. Everything looked the same, like she had left only yesterday.

"Here we are then, Precious. Back at the beginning." Jareth smiled wolfishly and released Sarah's hand with a small bow.

As they walked down the sandy incline together, it struck Sarah how every detail was the same. Like it's monarch, everything here felt timeless. The similarities became even more uncanny when she spotted Hoggle pissing into the very same fountain. With his back to them, humming to himself, he was unaware of their approach.

Not for the first time, Jareth noticed that there was something about Sarah's presence that made him feel young again. That made him want to prance and sing, strut and preen.

But, at this very moment, what he really wanted was to get his own back on his irksome gardener. Acting on a moment of impulsiveness, Jareth caught Sarah's eye and with a mischievous wink, signaled her to hang back. On silent feet he approached the oblivious dwarf from behind until he was standing directly behind him. Hands clasped behind his back, Jareth slowly leaned closer and loudly announced, "Hello Higgle".

"Argh!", came the response shortly before the splash as Hoggle fell headfirst into the pond.

"Jareth!" Sarah chided as she rushed to offer her friend a hand out of the water, "That was completely unnecessary!"

The Goblin King laughed heartily at his trick, "Well, not completely, someone should be sharing in my misery." he stated with a grin as Hoggle clambered out awkwardly, muttering under his breath as his wrinkled hands wrung water from his soaking cap.

Distracted by a small figure advancing in the distance, Jareth announced "Ah, here comes Didymus now."

The gnarled dwarf removed a scruffy boot to pour pond water out onto the sand. "As yer 'ere Sarah, I needs a word with yer". Hoggle glared meaningfully at Jareth, "In private!" he grunted.

Unfazed, Jareth walked a short distance away and made a show of inspecting a determined flower growing tenuously from the buff stone wall. A fairy, small and delicate, flitted out of the flower to land upon the Goblin King's outstretched finger.

Turning her attention back to Hoggle, Sarah replied, "Erm... ok. So, what's up?" She asked as she knelt to meet her old friend at eye level. She glanced over his shoulder to peek at The Goblin King again.

When a sound began, like tiny bells in the distance, Sarah realized that the fairy was speaking. Jareth raised his finger to his ear and nodded sagely at what the fairy had to say.

"Sarah, I'm glad to see you again, yer gotta believe me," Hoggle began, pulling Sarah's attention back to his wizened face, "But, you need to leave, yer can't be here!"

Confused by her friend's plea, Sarah noted the distressed look on his face. Hoggle kept glancing back nervously over his shoulder at the King.

"Why Hoggle? What's wrong?" she asked.

Whispering in an entirely unsubtle manner, Hoggle said, "Cause he's no good, that's why! That rat has designs on you, I heard him m'self."

Sarah felt a flutter somewhere below her stomach at his words.

"Oh, Hoggle, we're just having dinner. Or we were supposed to be." Sarah took in Hoggle's unconvinced expression. "Look, this isn't like the last time, he doesn't have my brother and he's not my enemy. He has no power over me, remember?"

"But, he's dangerous!" Hoggle whisper-squeaked, "You don't know what he's capable of."

Secretly, Sarah thought to herself how that was part of his appeal. She peeked another glance at Jareth over Hoggle's shoulder, watching as he whispered back to the fairy, his face animated like he's telling a joke. Just then the fairy doubled over in laughter and fell over in his hand slapping her tiny thigh. The sound like many crystal glasses smashing on a marble floor somewhere very far away. Jareth's face quirked into a satisfied and unguarded grin.

Sarah couldn't help smiling at the sight. "I'm not sure, Hoggle. I know you mean well but... I think I've misjudged him."

Before Hoggle could respond, Sir Didymus arrived in a cloud of dust kicked up by his loyal canine steed.

The fairy used Jareth's thumb to pull herself back to her feet, wiped minuscule tears from her eyes and bowed to her King before flitting back to her flower.

Sarah's foxy friend was attempting to wrangle his dog as Ambrosius snapped at drifting fairies before lapping noisily out of the fountain. "No Ambrosius! Bad dog! Bad!"

Ambrosius whined and hung his head in shame.

Sarah jumped in before the gardener could start again, "Look Hoggle, whatever he feels for me, I can handle this. I know what I'm doing." she reassured him.

"Oh! You want to be Queen of the Rats, is it? I sees how it is." he declared loudly, forgetting to whisper and drawing the attention of the others.

As Didymus dismounted, Jareth strolled calmly back to Sarah, his expression unreadable again.

"Now that everyone is here, would you mind performing your duties Hoggle and opening this door." Jareth gestured at the large, ornate door, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Biting back a retort, Hoggle muttered something under his breath before giving the door a heavy shove. It slowly began opening, allowing the group to enter the Labyrinth as Sarah had before. Hoggle wiped glitter from his hands as he hung back from the group, allowing them to proceed alone, glaring daggers at Jareth's back as he strolled away. Sarah offered a small conciliatory wave goodbye before following them.

After walking a short way, Jareth fell in step beside Sarah. In all honestly, she smelt his approach before she saw him, but understanding the complex levels of humiliation at play and how unfamiliar this emotion was for him she took pity and feigned surprise at his arrival. Searching for something to break the silence as they trudged the familiar stone walkways that made up the beginning of the maze, Sarah asked him about the fairy.

"Who, that minx? She was gossiping, as usual." he laughed. Fairies are renowned busybodies, it turns out, always infighting and forming new cliques, he told her. "I suppose the upside of the Bog Revelries is that all of my subjects now have extraordinary hangovers and enough new gossip to keep the fairies occupied for a span. We should at least get a day of peace and quiet before someone feels well enough to stir up mischief."

Sarah laughed at the idea of fairies acting like miniature high school girls while Jareth recounted the latest gossip. Ending with three cliques dissolving, four more re-forming and bite marks all around. She reminded herself never to introduce fairies to the concept of Spring Break.

Jareth waited for the conversation to wind down before he asked about Hoggle. "Oh, I don't know. He just seems to get a bee in his bonnet about me spending time with you, that's all." Sarah skirted the question. "Maybe we should find him a nice, lady Dwarf to distract him?"

Jareth laughed abruptly, "I fear my Dear, that you have never seen a 'nice, lady Dwarf' because there are none!"

Sarah looked at him aghast, "No female Dwarves!?"

"You misunderstand, Darling." he laughed. Sarah hoped no one else had noticed the swooshing feeling in her stomach when he called her 'Darling', a slow-burning blush crept over her face. "There are females," he continued, "But they're not very nice to look at and trust me, they would never be referred to as 'Ladies'. But, anything is worth a try, I suppose. He can't get any more cantankerous."

Sarah tried to picture Hoggle holding a squalling baby Dwarf but the image dissolved into a storm of electric tingles as Jareth's hand accidentally brushed against hers.

She glanced up from under her lashes to find him staring back down at her intensely. She would guess by his expression that he was feeling the delightful tingles, too.

Abruptly, Sir Didymus declared, "HALT! Dear friends, we have arrived." They were, indeed, standing right in front of the place Sarah had last seen the blue worm, although he was absent from his former position.

Didymus announced their arrival formerly, "Ahem, Ahem. All attend His benevolent Majesty, Jareth; King of the Goblins, Lord of the Labyrinth and Granter of Wishes! We have quested from afar to query the Blue Worm of Wisdom, will he answer our Royal call?"

"Granter of Wishes?" Sarah asked dubiously, giving Jareth a pointed look.

"What? I took your brother didn't I? You wished... I granted." He smirked.

A moment later, a white worm with grass green, fluffy hair wiggled from a gap in the wall where the mortar had deteriorated. It turned out that this was the fabled Mrs Worm.

"He's got a headache." She announced without preamble. "I told him not to go to that Bog party, but would he listen?" She rolled her eyes, "I'll go fetch him, are you sure you wouldn't like a nice cup of tea while you wait?" She offered kindly.

They politely refused and within a few moments the blue worm shuffled into view. Sarah recognized that this was the same worm who had previously given her such bad advice but he was looking so much worse for wear. Clearly and painfully hungover, he hissed as he crept into the sunlight. His fluffy, white hair was flat on one side where he'd been sleeping. "'Ello!" He blinked wearily at the group.

"Apologies for disturbing your sleep good fellow, but we were told you may be able to help. There was an incident... with the Bog." Jareth finished darkly.

"Ah, it's OK. Teach me to lay off the sauce!" the worm chuckled, "What have you tried?"

The King started ticking things off on his long fingers, "Bleach, Juniper berries, something called a 'Bath Bomb'..."

Sarah pictured Jareth with glittery bath bomb, _"It's a bath bomb, nothing more... but if you get in this tub I will show you your dreams."_

Jareth was still listing items while Sarah was daydreaming, "Detergent, Goblin ale..."

"Well that's not going to work is it?" The worm interrupted, "Being as you're not a Goblin!"

Sarah, having recently returned from her fantasy, said, "Have you tried, you know...", Sarah mimed a twisty motion with her hand as if she were producing a crystal.

Jareth raised a single sparkling eyebrow, "Is that suppose to be me? I'm trying not to be insulted, Precious. But, yes, I have thrown numerous crystals to no avail."

The blue worm sighed, "Well, that's the problem with Sorcerers these days. You can't just go around throwing crystals at all of your problems. It goes deeper than that. Do you even know how your crystals work?" he asked.

"Magic?" Jareth deadpanned.

The worm smiled encouragingly, "Which is...?"

Stumped, Jareth blankly looked at Didymus as though the fox may hold the answer. Sir Didymus looked at Ambrosius, who, in turn, looked at Jareth's fine, leather boots like they were ripe for a good chewing session.

Sarah replied without thinking, "Belief made manifest".

"Exactly!" Mr Worm said, "But you're going to need more than just Belief to remove that stench, powerful old magic is the Bog. You need ingredients. Sacrifices. I remember the old ways, I do."

Jareth's brow furrowed, "What do you mean, Worm?"

"I mean your magic is tied to your belief in yourself. You need to believe that you're loved and wanted for more than what's superficial about you. If you don't truly believe in yourself how is anyone else supposed to."

As Jareth processed this, Mr Worm ushered Sarah closer, "Here Dearie... fetch these things."

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A/N – Sorry it's taken so long for me to update this fic. I had to go back to work (groans) which has taken a lot of life juggling and caused much exhaustion!


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